Saturday, October 30, 2010


I think I sleep better the nights I don't take Amitriptyline. Weird? I'm almost sure of it, though. I didn't take it last night because I remembered too late and the doctor said not to take it much past 8pm because I'll be groggy the next day. And I slept better last night than I have in a week, the last time I didn't take it (because my little cousins were sleeping over). If it's not really doing anything do I need to be taking it?

My nerve block is fast approaching. I'm not really nervous about it though. I mean, I'm a little freaked out about having a giant needle injected into my spine, but I'm not nervous. I think that's a good sign :)

It sucks that whenever I push my knees more than the bare minimum (for example extra walking) I have to pay the price and then a whole lot more. I've often had the internal struggle that I assume so many with every type of chronic pain have. The struggle that, do I do what I want to and attempt to have a more normal life and not let this thing beat me? Or do I give up on fun things and stay resting in order to not experience any extra pain? It does suck that I can make a decision one day to go to the mall, go through having pain and needing to take breaks, but still make it through, only to have terrible pain that night and the next several days. Everything's give and take. No one knows how many little decisions you have to make each day with big impacts. Do I take the stairs up to class or do I go out of my way to take the elevator?

I would say, though, that there's never one right or wrong decision. You can't let the disease take all the fun out of your life, but you can't live with that much of an extreme amount of pain either. Ah the ambiguity of it all... :/

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