Nerve Block #3 and other things

On Thursday I had my third nerve block plus more ketamine along with it. I woke up that morning with a migraine, so of course I was nauseous going in and I couldn't take anything for it. My mom, because you need a driver, told them about my migraine, so the anesthesiologist gave me something for it through the IV, I don't know what it was. After this block I had a really crazy dream that was just lots of bright and vivid colors that kept rushing by quickly, and it seemed to go on for a really long time. I guess you could say it was some kind of tripped out dream? I woke up on my stomach, as always with the blocks, and usually it takes awhile to become aware of each body part and work them all together as you wake up (it's weird and hard to explain unless you've been through it, but if you have you know what I mean) but this time I was so dizzy ever since I started waking up. Everything in the room kept moving, and I would see things that weren't there. After the required time to be on my stomach, the nurse came over and told me I could flip over. I did, and right after that she had me getting dressed.

Now I still felt really dizzy, but I'm not the kind of person who will say "wait, I don't feel good", but rather just push through and wait til it goes away on its own. So I got dressed, and I barely finished and I just froze, because I felt so sick. My vision went from double to blurry. The nurse came and saw me and asked if I was nauseous, and I said yes, so she brought me a bowl just in time. But then she took my IVs out and wheeled me out to my car, where my mom was waiting. I was still dizzy at that point, and I couldn't even look at anyone directly. Luckily she gave me a clean bowl to take with me. In the car I recovered from the dizziness but I was just really nauseous. I got sick once on the ride home, and then continued to for the rest of the day. I was a mess, I sat on the couch and for awhile kept drifting in and out of sleep. Any time I tried to eat something I didn't keep it down for long. I would try to do schoolwork on my laptop, but I would have to keep stopping because I felt so nauseous.

I'm really not sure what my reaction was from, but it was awful. I don't see my doctor until the 21st so I won't know anything new until then.

I filed with my school's Office for Disability Services finally. I don't think they'll be able to do much for me, unfortunately, but at least having my professors know now and for the semesters to come about my disease might help me out.

My sensitivity in my knees has gotten worse, and I just can't stand it at all anymore. I wear braces on them whenever I leave the house or am going to be on my feet a lot, but I recently bought sleeves that I can slip on my knees the rest of the time, so I don't always have to wear the braces, because they get to be painful after awhile. These sleeves are great for when I'm at home, because they protect my knees from my pants really well. The freezing cold weather is also not doing good things for my hands, I'm afraid. I get random burning pain sometimes in my hands and arms, as well as my thighs, but only sometimes right now. Also sometimes my hands will become very hot or painful to touch.

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Finally, I've been thinking a lot lately about not spending time worrying about things that you can't change; that you have no control over. I've been worried about my grades, for example, because I've had to miss several classes due to RSD, but in the end I realized that there's nothing I could have changed, so it is what it is. I think that's a good approach for anyone to go at life with. If nothing can be done about something, don't waste your time worrying about it, that's what it is. BUT if there's something that you can do something about, then by all means put your energy into helping yourself in those cases :)

I'm feeling much better today and was able to get some working out in, which just makes me feel better overall. I don't know if one day the RSD will spread to my arms or hands, I mean it already spread from my left knee to my right one, so I realize the importance not taking anything for granted. Now I can do things like boxing which is still a cardiac workout that is ok on my knees, but maybe one day I won't be able to. Or maybe I always will be able to too (looking at the bright side :) ). Either way, I know the importance of living each day doing what I can, so I won't regret not doing it if I can't later. Does that make sense?

As my knees have continued to get worse over the last year and a half, I have noticed all the things that I took for granted before that I now can't do. Like kneel down at all. Or be able to go the mall without horrible pain for the next few days after. Or be able to wear whatever shoes I want. I could go on and on, but you get the idea.

Sometimes I do feel bad for myself when I'm bound to the couch, missing the freedom I used to have that was taken from me. In this way it's very similar to celiac disease as well. And I'll admit that sometimes I do feel bad for myself with that too, wishing I could eat birthday cake with everyone else or be able to order whatever I want from a menu. But I can't let these feelings stay too long. And neither can you. If you dwell on the past, you miss out on the present. And that just leads to more lamenting of the past gone by, with regrets this time. It's a horrible cycle that no one should live in. I'm not saying it's easy to focus on the positives when there are things you love that you miss out on now. It's something that takes focus and determination. But if you want to be happy, it's possible for you.